6.27.2015

Humanity's Gift

Seven months since my last post, where do I begin?

Yesterday I walked into the classroom for the first time after three weeks of June holiday and I was shocked to see how much the students have grown.  They usually look different after coming back from any break, having taken full advantage of their suspension from the school’s strict diet, but the growth I discovered yesterday was the type of growth teachers dream of: a growth in confidence.  I’m teaching Bible Knowledge this year and I’m with the same students I taught Information and Computer Studies to last year.  I had divided the students into groups and instructed them to read a chapter in the Bible and teach it to the rest of the class, answering the questions assigned to them.  Last year when I gave them a presentation assignment it took four class periods for the students to complete it, the delay coming from prolonged hesitation and fear of speaking in English in front of the others.  English is their second (for some third) language and expressing one’s self in front of a group using something other than one’s native language is not an easy task.  Yesterday I was more than impressed by the student’s increased confidence in speaking which persisted even through their classmates' chorus of laughter when they erred in their English grammar.  Stumbling through this task is expected, but it is in this stumbling that we can find growth.

Needless to say there have many stumbles so far in my second year JV experience. At the start of the year I was given my new teaching assignment and charged with a mission to establish and develop a new co-curricular activities department at SPCHS.  This department involves coordinating all sports, clubs and entertainment activities for our 700+ students.  In previous years this was the work of an all-encompassing Campus Ministry department, but as our school grows so do its departments and staff, adapting and changing in whichever ways necessary.  Having just one year to work in this department and fulfill my mission I decided my primary task would be to form a small team of teachers to lead the department with me and then continue the work after my term with JVC has finished.  I set the deadline for May, by which when I hoped to have formed a team ready to enhance the Jesuit mission at SPCHS through the work of the new department.

I stumbled through these first months in my new role, learning through trial and error how to organize meetings, delegate tasks and communicate information in a culturally appropriate way.  In this stumbling I have come to realize the task I set for myself focused so much on what I deemed necessary to accomplish that it ignored the importance of relationships that were forming along the way.  I have since learned that the most appropriate way of handling work affairs, and affairs of any kind, is in fact the dignified way of having holistic care and concern for people- their weaknesses as well as their strengths- and not subjecting their value to a standard of workplace productivity that I or anyone else measures people by. 

Outside of work I stumbled again as my actions shifted away from what I desire most. An hour extra was added to the workday this year, requiring that the staff school bus leave at 5:00 pm, and as a result the time I’m available for choir practice was reduced to thirty minutes. Instead of prioritizing the relationships and joy I got from choir, I decided those thirty minutes could be spent doing other things and so I completely stopped going to practices and singing at Sunday Mass. Every Sunday I would stare longingly across the church at my friends who throw their whole hearts and souls into singing.  The choir is known for being among the best throughout Tanzania and the choir members are very serious about keeping this status. Their sense of community is strong and their commitment is great.  They practice for two and half hours, four days a week, doing physical exercise for thirty minutes two of these days to strengthen the lungs and vocal chords.  There are monthly fees and fines for being tardy or absent to practices and performances.  When one voice falters during practice, they repeat the measure over and over until it matches again.  Last year I grew to love my fellow choir members and their dedication to the group effort.  I more than stumbled when I cut these events and relationships out of my life.

During our June holiday my community mates and I spent a week traveling around Rwanda and I used the time we spent in transit on buses and boat to more deeply reflect on these recent months and discern my needs for the five remaining.  In reflection I found myself thinking mostly about the relationships I have formed in the various communities I’m a part of and I contemplated their capacity for growth.  On the wall in my bedroom is posted a quote by Henri Nouwen.  It’s been there since I came across it on retreat eight months ago and my eyes pass over it daily hoping the words will become enmeshed in my attitudes and expressed in my actions.  Nouwen says:

More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence.  Still, it is not as simple as it seems.  My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be a part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress.  But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.
(Emphasis in bold is my own) 

These words remind me of one truth I have found: humanity’s gift is the sharing of one’s joys and struggles with another.  The desire Nouwen speaks of is growing stronger in me now that only a few months remain to cherish the people I have grown to love.  Since returning from holiday travels I have started going to choir practice again, and just in time to prepare for their annual audio recording!  Now as I plan my days I plan for opportunities to see people and talk with them, whether it is the guards at the parish or the women in the market whom I buy produce from.  I’m looking forward to spending more time in conversation with the new co-curricular activities team when school starts in full swing again.  I want to hear the stories of these friends and be brave enough to share with them my own, and I’m grateful for the five remaining months to try and express this desire through action.  I know I will keep stumbling on this journey, it is expected after all, but it is in this stumbling that I can find growth.

With my mother at Ngorongoro Crater

With my parents on Simba Rock, the highest point in Dodoma town!

Visiting the family of the former head cook from SPCHS.  He and his family have taught me many things including Kiswahili, how to cut jackfruit, how to sing during church service, and how to properly cook samaki (fish).

Celebrating Easter at the Jesuit Novitiate in Arusha, picture here with volunteers from the Dar es Salaam and Dodoma communities and with the Novitiate House Minister.

Hiking with Jesuit novices and JVs in Arusha.

St. Peter Claver Students celebrating Union Day during Peace and Justice Week.

Giving Sports and Talent Show awards with members of the Co-Curricular Activities Team.

Form V students bring their sports awards: goats!

The SPCHS choir singing at Br. Edema's Vows.

Bikira Maria Teresa Ledochowska choir (the choir I'm in!) singing at the wedding of a close JV friend. 

Attending a church service with Ryan's new host family.

Form I students enacting the lives of the saints during Camp Magis.

Don't confuse this with a masterpiece; it's just our kitchen counter on a regular day.  (No shame in boasting about this luxury!)

Sports at SPCHS.

Girls playing netball during sports day.

Teachers vs. Teachers volleyball match

Post-dinner pic in the JV house with two SPCHS teachers and a niece.

Celebrating Isaac's Birthday with teachers from St. Ignatius (the Jesuit primary school) and his family at the JV house.
The Jesuit Volunteers of Dodoma.


1.01.2015

Some of my thoughts as 2014 draws to an end

Reflecting on the First Year

This year is ending,
Days are passing,
My feet keep moving,

From a plane carrying excitement I came to call
Home a place that challenges
Everything I had come to believe.
My feet kept

Moving in a young school still establishing rules and
Embracing dreams of shaping students who will be the
Change the country wants to see. Finding that
My feeble lessons can’t compare to what
Students can teach me,
My feet

Kept moving.  Learning the language, customs and culture but still
Failing to understand the corruption, poor leadership and disorganization my
Western lens makes me see.  Believing that
Solidarity can break through the iron bars of individualism and living in
Community can help us push past these sins. 
My

Feet  kept moving through the streets and markets and
Homes of people who know that Love has no conditions.
Accepting invitations to enter another’s home and try to see the world as
They do and then striving to give in return the greatest gift of Presence to
Let them know I love them too.

Everything I have come to believe:
Students can teach me;
Community can help us push past these sins;
Let them know I love them too.

My feet keep moving,
Days are passing,
This year is ending.

....



Truly, it amazes me I have finished one year as a Jesuit Volunteer.  How am I sitting with this?  I ask myself.  Well, I have hardly had time for sitting with anything.  The past month has been packed with activities of receiving new volunteers, closing the school year, attending farewell parties for the departing volunteers, cleaning and reorganizing our home, cooking Christmas dinners, hosting friends, students and other volunteers and attending choir practices for the holiday season.  There is a kind of newness to everything now as I approach trips to the market, fabric shops and church activities as the “experienced” second-year and I am beginning to realize how much I have learned in this past year and how honest I feel in calling Dodoma my home.  In the same breath I feel a stronger longing for the friends, places, and experiences that I left in the U.S. just over a year ago as if the more comfortable I am in Dodoma, the more distant I feel.  It’s funny how that works, like the Christmas trees of Dodoma which bloom just before the rain season and lose their flowers only days before December 25th- I thought I had prepared myself for this transition into a second-year volunteer since the annual Re-Orientation/Dis-Orientation retreat in October, but just before the actual transitions came I lost all the security I worked so hard to build and was left naked to merely be a part of the changes as they happened.  I think this is part of the process of Ignatian detachment: the letting go of planning how we want to respond to something, admitting to others that our intentions to stand strong with our insecurities covered come from feelings of pride and desire for control, and allowing ourselves to be fully present to the people and activities around us and the feelings that stir within us. 


The year 2015 will bring many more new experiences, new friendships, a new teaching assignment at St. Peter Claver High School and eventually a move back to the U.S.  All of this ahead, and the experiences and memories of 2014 are still waiting to be processed.  When the Christmas trees bloom in Dodoma, their red flowers are the beauty of the dry, dusty land.  Heavy rains come soon after their blooming and falling and now all the trees and bushes are flowering and turning the desert of Dodoma into a beautiful oasis dotted with hues of yellow, purple, and pink.  By the law of nature we have to let go of our attachment to the red Christmas flowers in order to see the beauty offered by other trees and plants.  This advent season I’m letting go of my own red flowers of security and comfort that I found this year- some healthy, others not- so that I can open myself to the beauty in the people and experiences around me- some new, others familiar- and I’m believing that these changes will bring joy if I allow myself to see it. 

Happy New Year

9.11.2014

Stories from Some Travels

Friends,

I had the opportunity to travel to Nothern Uganda to attend the ordination of a Jesuit friend and learn more about East Africa.  I wish to share with you some of my journal entries from the trip so that you might feel some of the joy I felt during this immersion into another part of East Africa

21.Aug- Written on a bus traveling from Kampala to Gulu

Yesterday we reached the Ugandan-Tanzanian border at 2:00pm and entered into the land of bananas.  Mwanza [a Tanzanian city bordering Lake Victoria] had helped to adjust my eyes to a world of green that I have since forgotten during these dustiest days of Dodoma, but the mountains and trees of Uganda were a new beauty that my eyes devoured the full four- hour bus ride from the border to Kampala [the capital of Uganda].

In Kampala my life changed from a partial-understanding of what the Kiswahili store signs and billboards and people of Tanzania said to the overload of information that being in a place that speaks your native tongue can bring.  I now had to hesitate before speaking and remind myself not to use the Kiswahili greetings that have come to be natural, almost instinctual, during my interactions with others. 

Our friend met my community mate and I at the bus stand upon arrival in Kampala and in his private care we slowly squeezed our way through the disorganized mass of traffic that is the streets of Kampala on a typical day.  Twice I fell asleep in the midst of traffic jams as we waited with the engine off for the vehicles in front to nose their way into an opening.  I believe there were traffic lights, but the drivers seemed to dismiss any instruction the lights were intended to give.  The fourteen-hour bus ride from Mwanza had worn me out enough for this misuse of space to annoy me and make me long for the fluid and at times empty streets of Dodoma. 

Our friend took us to our house for the night- a concrete abode sitting not more than two blocks from Entembe road, known well as a major highway jetting through the city of Kampala.  The Mama hosting us had milk tea prepared for us while her gregarious four-year-old daughter taught us Lugandan.  Dinner was served- potatoes boiled with tomatoes and sautĂ©ed spinach, and my first Ugandan banana- a fat tiny one no longer than the average-sized person’s index finger.  With shampooed hair and a full stomach I fell asleep on a pillow-less floor bed before having time to remember where I was.
--~--
24. Aug – Written in Kampala, after returning from the ordination

Upon our arrival in Uganda our close Ugandan friend told us that people in Uganda are very expressive.  This became apparent to me the day of the ordination when the joy and excitement began even before reaching the church.  On the way our van picked up a load of people, mostly women and children.  Within seconds of the door sliding shut a woman inside let out a cry that I mistakenly took as a cry of pain.  I swiveled my head to see what the problem might be and saw only smiling faces.  A moment later there was a van-load of shrieking, ululations and singing with such great ardor that I began to loathe all the quiet times in my life that made this moment so un-earthly as if my eardrums could not endure such high-decibels and would surely shatter from the forceful vibrations that could not be cushioned to soften the noise.  I come from a family where laughing is acceptable only for an exceptional joke and we raise our voices only during conversations when it seems necessary to increase the volume to support one’s point.  Shrieking and singing is very far from our form of expression.  Discovering the novelty of such and experience changed my attitude that was at first irritation to admiration.  That form of expression is a kind of freedom I do not think I could ever bring myself to know.

“The Ordination”

The churchyard was filled with people neatly arranged in tents according to their community affiliations: ‘Seminarians and Sisters,’ ‘Kampala-Arua,’ ‘Choir’, ‘Business Community,’ ‘Government Officials and NGO Representatives,’  ‘Other Religious Representatives (Protestants & Muslims),’  CWAAD/Catholic Action,’ ‘The Two Deacons and Their Parents,’ ‘Main Celebrant and The Clergy,’ and ‘Parish Members,’ to name just a few.  I was told at least 3,000 people would be in attendance.  The tents, tables, altar chairs, trees and dancing children were decorated in yellow and white; the choir and band danced and sang as people were seated and we were lead to the Kampala-Arua section (perhaps because the usher didn’t know where else to put us as their wasn’t a section that described our connection with the Jesuits).  At the end of the celebration we were graced with the petrifying honor of introducing ourselves as ‘Jesuit collaborators’ to the thousands of faces before us and so made up for the missing sign that would have otherwise explained why we were there.

The ceremony began with a grand entrance led by the dancing children, women dressed in floor-length satin gowns tied with a wide sash -a traditional Ugandan outfit worn only by married women called gomesi- followed by four women dressed in simple local fabrics and carrying on their heads pots of incense and flowers.  Next the priests paraded in: Jesuits, Franciscans, Salesians, Diocesans, among others and finally the two Deacons walking in front of the Jesuit Provincial, Bishop and Parish Priest.  The ceremony went as one might expect an ordination to go- there was much singing from the choir, music played by drums, electric guitars and local instruments, and dancing by children, the four simply-dressed women, and two Jesuit scholastics.  The Deacons said their vows, laid face-down on a mat as prayers were said, the Bishop made the laying on of hands and gave the blessing of the kiss, etc, etc.  Five hour later, just before the final blessing there was a song and celebratory dance by the community.  The Mama sitting on my left, dressed in an elegant bright green and black gomesi, had actively participated throughout the entire ceremony: singing, laughing, dancing, and passionately waving a small bouquet of yellow flowers that was nothing but leaves and stems by the end of it.  She was among the first people to dance to the middle of our square, pulling two other mamas into the center to dance with her.  Within a matter of moments the majority of the 3,000 guests were gathered in the center dancing and waving their hands around the two newly ordained priests.

After the Mass the church committee went to work preparing tables of food to feed the masses.  By this time we managed to slip into the ‘Seminarians and Sisters’ section so that we could sit with our friends.  Our slick transition won us an early spot in the food line, although once seeing the amount of food that had been prepared it became clear that position in line would not determine whether one would be fed or not- the table-sized pots of rice, pasta and potatoes promised everyone would be well-fed that day!  There were Ugandan stables- starting with stiff porridge made of millet and cassava, mashed and cooked bananas called matoke, rice, pasta, boiled potatoes, boiled spinach, savory beans, boiled cow and goat meat, boiled cow intestines, roasted insects in peanut paste, and chopped cabbage and carrot salad.  The dancing continued as we devoured the food.  There were traditional performances by the local clan and choreographed routines danced by the youths in the community.  Satisfied with food, we slipped away from the dancing and merriment to take a walk through the quiet village surrounding us.  A light rain came in the late afternoon but in the distance we could hear the drum still beating as the celebration continued into the evening…
--~--
We spent a few more days in Uganda, staying on a farm in a village with our friend’s family.  The family shared with us the many uses of bananas- from teaching us to make banana beer (called mwenge), to showing us how to weave baskets and mats from banana fibers, to cooking our food in banana leaves and serving us piles and piles of matoke.  We toured the hills of their coffee farm, visited the sweet-hearted woman across the swamp who brings the family fresh milk every day, and entertained the family as they dressed us in gomesi.  The family’s warm welcoming and hard-working lifestyle deeply reminded me of my own hard-working farming family in Kansas and for the first time since moving to Tanzania, I began to feel the pains of homesickness: that longing for the comfort and familiarity of our lives as we experienced them when we were young.  

From the village in Uganda, I went back to Mwanza in Tanzania, and then back to Dodoma!  Now, we have one more week of “fall” break before the students return for an exciting last three months of classes.

Peace,

Mary





7.30.2014

Lives to Be Celebrated

When I set out on this journey, my mission was to immerse myself in Tanzanian culture and learn how my skills can be used to serve others. Over a fourth of the way in, I am finally finding the courage to start living out the first part of this mission. Learning a new language is easy. Read language guides; take notes; memorize vocabulary; done. Using a new language is not as simple. I like to believe that learning the foundation for Kiswhaili during my last stint here gave me a leg-up on the process of re-immersion, however it is only now, more than seven-months in country, that I have gained the confidence to fully participate in conversations. Finally I can ask about people's lives beyond the necessary greetings and I can understand (for the most part) what they tell me in reply. This confidence has given me the courage to further immerse myself in the local community. At school I help in the kitchen, making bread for the students with the kitchen crew; I learned to make juice with the St. Gemma sisters who run the nearby Jesuit primary school; and I am increasing my visits to the village, meeting people and learning ways we can incorporate an entrepreneurial program for the village women into the community service program at school.

The most important part of these experiences is hearing the stories people have to share: the head cook's commitment to fasting as a form of prayer; the Sister who serves as Headmistress to a school of over 500 young ones and manages to squeeze just fifteen minutes of personal time for exercise into her busy routine of prayer, work, and service; the Mama who is conflicted over how to encourage her teenage daughter to return to school after several incidents when the daughter became deranged and unresponsive in class, presumably possessed by evil spirits...these are stories of the lives of people who are braver than me in uncountable ways.

Many people flattered me with encouragement and praise as I prepared for this commitment to be a Jesuit Volunteer. I am filled with gratitude to have so many people supporting me and encouraging me as I follow what I think is my calling. However it is the lives of these people... the people that I am seeing everyday (and the lives of the people that each of us see everyday) that are truly deserving of celebration.

Today, a Form I girl came to me seeking advice: her parents had separated just before her birth, her mom having been badly beaten by her father. Since then her father found another women who refuses to work and who insults her mother. The father's mother dislikes my student's mother and so went to a witch doctor to influence the father to kill the mother. The grandmother passed last year and my student is holding on to faith that with the grandmother gone, and with the help of religion, her father and mother can be together again.  The student came to me asking for counseling: should she talk to her father and try to persuade him to get back together with her mother at the risk of him ending his assistance with her education, or should she remain quiet and watch in despair as her mother struggles? This girl is just 13 years old. After sharing her thoughts with me she decided it would be better to wait a few more years before confronting her father; her education, afterall, is more important to her. She is a brave girl. Her life needs to be celebrated.

Another person- actually a couple- a pastor and his wife, are neighbors to us.  They have traveled all around the region building churches.  I was invited to attend a service at their newest project. The three-hour service was complete with an hour of unhibited singing led by their youngest 18-year old daughter and nine tear-jerking exorcisms performed by the pastor himself. After this I was welcomed in their home for sodas and lunch. Following lunch the conversation led to us exchanging languages: the pastor's wife teaching her tribal language, myself teaching the remaining Spanish that Kiswahili hasn't yet pushed out of my brain, and my fellow volunteer teaching bits of French she remembers from her college studies. It is the lives of the Pastor's wife, and the Pastor -they who are living out their vocation with utter dedication and joy- their lives who need to be celebrated.

It is the life of the shopkeeper who, at 25, diligently works in his shop, keeping inventory and managing his customers' needs- especially the needs of us volunteers, who buy nine rolls of toilet paper bi-weekly, one loaf of bread twice per week, jars of peanut butter and jam every third week, and eggs almost daily. Our good-natured shopkeeper prays at the same church as we do every Sunday and returns to his shop promptly after the 7:15am Mass; he watched the World Cup on the tv inside his shop and rejoiced when Germany won it all; he gifted me with mango juice when I had malaria; he patiently listens and teaches us as we all have stumbled through our grocery list in Kiswahili. His life needs to be celebrated.


I am too easily consumed by the day-to-day demands of teaching, being a choir member, and understanding my role as a volunteer and I forget to celebrate the lives of these inspiring people around me. It is from them that I begin to understand the meanings of courage and faith. It is their example that inspires me to find joy in each day and every experience that I have during this time as a volunteer. 

6.12.2014

Six Months...time for an update!

Indeed it is now six months that I have been in Tanzania! Time is swiftly moving and my last reflection shares where my thoughts have been over these past few months: on relationships in community life. Living in community has been by far the most challenging part of this experience so far, and from it has come many reflections on my values and my mission as a volunteer.

Right now the school is closed for June holiday for two weeks until Form II and Form IV students return for additional classes. Form II and Form IV take the national exams later this year and it is these scores that determine whether they can advance or not, so many schools require these students to follow a strict schedule to prepare them for the exams. The school will open for Form I and Form III students in early July. During my two weeks of vacation I traveled to Arusha with my community mate for a brief get-away to reflect on these last six months. I visited my host-family whom I stayed with when I was here in 2012, we walked around Arusha treating ourselves to avocado milkshakes and sushi, and hiked part of Mount Meru. We stayed at the Jesuit novitiate and were there for the ceremony welcoming the new novices into the Society of Jesus. It was a refreshing trip!

Now I am back in Dodoma catching up on emails and letters (and this blog!) before going back to school. I am looking forward to the fresh start of a new term and the chance to put some ideas into action at school and in the relationships I am building with others in my community.

Thank you for all of your continued prayers and support! Everyday I wake up filled with gratitude for being here and this opportunity to share my experience with so many others!

Amani,
Mary

The past six months in pictures:


Jesuits vs. Jesuit Volunteers volleyball match at SPCHS

Form II students volunteering at a home for children with mental disabilities as part of the Community Service program

Double rainbow showering blessings over SPCHS

Celebrating International Women's Day with the young women at SPCHS

Celebrating my Birthday with my community mates from America (above) and Europe (below) at a local restaurant


Another day of community service at the same home for children with disabilities. 

Our community having a sweet treat at Dodoma's best ice cream shop.

A view of Arusha from Mt. Meru

Victoria and I hiked part of Mt. Meru during June holiday

No fewer than 200 chicks made their home with the Jesuits mid-April.  These little ones will help to provide eggs and meat for the students at SPCHS.

The neighbor girls love coming over to play games and teach us Kiswahili.

Jamie and I ambitiously climbed to harvest the fruit of our pomegranate tree

Julius came for a final meal before going to the Jesuit novitiate where he will be for two years in training to become a Jesuit! 
The convent in Rombo near Moshi, where we spent April retreat.

The Dar es Salaam and Dodoma volunteers feasting on retreat at the Huruma Convent near Moshi.

Students dancing in the Talent Show

Students letting out some more energy after the Talent Show

Preparing liquid food for the new chicks at the Jesuit Residence in Ihumwa

The office Victoria and I share at SPCHS, filled with books waiting to be graded!

Some unexpected finds on the computer lab bookshelf in our office

Teachers piling into the Jesuits' truck for a lift to town after the bus broke down at the day's end

Learning to run out of the desert and into community

(written on 5, June)

A young woman met me on the path I was running the other morning. It is on rare occasion that I meet other people running at the same time as I am, and even more novel for it to be another woman. We were running in opposite directions, heading towards each other, and as the distance between us closed she turned and waited until I was beside her so that we might run together. Within a few strides we were in sync and we just ran. Not a word was spoken between us. I wondered for how long we would share the path before she would split away in different direction. Generally I run alone so that my thoughts may wander freely without being filled with concern for another person's needs but this time I was grateful for company on the path. We reached my turning point so I thanked her for the run. She only looked at me with a blank face and then turned to continue running with me. We ran for another five minutes then she simply stopped and turned back, leaving us to go our separate ways.

So often this happens to us in life! We meet someone whom we are not looking for nor expect to find, they join us on our journey in life maybe as a co-worker, a teammate, a roommate or a spiritual partner...  we don't know how long they will remain in our lives. We don't know for how long we will share the same path. But how important is the length of our shared journey? If it is God (or however it is you identify the Greater Being) that connects us to others why must we try to overstep the Mystery that is at work between us by trying to know and predict everything? The people who enter our lives are there as they are. We can meet them as they are on the path or we can wish they were further ahead or behind us, as if we are in a race and they either the competition that pushes us to go further or the slower runners that make us feel better about our own ability to run. We can demand to hear answers to questions that even they are not sure of, or we can be companions sharing a sacred silence that is heavy with the contemplations and reflections on the lives that we are living.

As this Easter seasons draws to an end I find myself reflecting on the forty years the Israelites spent wandering in the desert looking for an experience of God. From time to time we all find ourselves in a spiritual desert. A desert where we wander alone, seeking refuge in the oasis of support given by friends and family only when we need it, and only when we choose to stop and rest from the exhausting heat of the sun or from the torments of our self-depleting thoughts.
In the days preceding Easter my community traveled to Moshi in Northern Tanzania on a retreat for personal reflection and to engage in dialogue to improve our community life. Living in community requires us to become conscious of how our actions and words impact others and it teaches us to practice forgiveness -of others and ourselves- when we fail to live up to the expectations we set. I read some of the work of Thomas Merton while on retreat and was really struck by his insight on community life and solitary life. Merton compares solitary life to desert life, a life filled with despair and a wandering that can drive us mad. Sometimes, he says, we are drawn to this desert to find something more meaningful in life. This happens especially when our lives with others become very complicated. He writes, “Do not feel to solitude from the community. Find God first in the community, then He will lead you to solitude.”

How often do we flee to the desert to get away from whatever problems are around us? We don't want to deal with a disrespectful co-worker, an unpredictable boss or an over-active roommate and we escape into a solitary life within the desert. We tell ourselves we can go on alone, without these people or others to share the joys and agonies of life's experiences. Sometime we convince ourselves that we are more spiritual and holy when we are in the desert because we think we are alone with God. But are we not, in fact, just alone with ourselves? When the Israelites escaped the desert they rejoiced- they were at least free from the torments and trials of wandering alone in their suffering, they were reunited with friends and families, enemies and strangers, and they were happy. Being in the presence of others was the greatest reward.

Though our lives may be riddled with troubles like working through a conflict with a friend, finding meaning in our work, or learning how to live with our imperfections, retreating to a desert will not bring us the peace we seek- and I am witnessing the truth of this in the people I am working with. Tanzania is a communal society which means that individuals work together to benefit the community first, and as a result individual lives are improved. In our school community the faculty and staff support each other when there is an illness, death, birth, or wedding within the community; at lunch the teaching and non-teaching staff sit and eat together; on sports days our netball and soccer teams are made up of workers from the kitchen staff, faculty members, and administration. The community spirit is certainly not perfect and it is well-known that we can improve our collaborations with each other, but I think the foundation for this living and learning from each other is there, now we need to nurture it and let it blossom into something beautiful.


In the same way we must nurture the complicated relationships in our lives. We must will ourselves to meet others as they are on the path and be grateful for however the relationship is in that moment, without trying to predict what will come of the relationships or how it will end. It is in this way we will find ourselves in solitude, or the peace that allows us to be calm and patient. In solitude we will find it possible to go on the path without knowing when the person will go her own way. If we choose the solitary path in the desert and retreat to the oasis of community support only when we desire it, we will find ourselves in the deepest dunes without any oases in sight when we are most spiritually tired and thirsty. The young woman on my running path reminds me that if we go with others and embrace them as they are, for however long they are with us, we will find it is easier to forgive ourselves for our own failings and the path on which we are going will be less lonesome, even if for only five minutes.

4.20.2014

Sharing the work of my students

At St. Peter Claver I have taken on the role of Matron for the Creative Writing Club.  The club consists of twelve dedicated students who are passionate about putting their thoughts into writing. Some of the work is being shared with parents, relatives and friends at http://spchswriters.wordpress.com/.

You are welcome to visit this site and read about the lives of some of the students at St. Peter Claver, written from their own perspectives!